Dress: Mango at ASOS
Boots: New Look
(not sure where the tights came from!)
I love this dress, I love it so much I wish I wore it more. I’d run out of plain black tights- well, ones without most of the feet missing so I paired it with polka dots and my cut out ankle boots for something a bit different on Tuesday.
The last few weeks have been tough. As many of you know I’m in recovery from anorexia and I’m now mentally further ahead than I’ve been in the entire 11 years of living with the disorder. I’d go as far as to say I’m not living with it any more, it’s living within me, creeping in when I least want it to but on the whole I’m free.
That said, things are a struggle. Coming to terms with a body that has recently become half a stone heavier (despite being delighted and proud of myself) and knowing I still have a stone to go to reach “healthy” and where I want to be is tough.
One the one hand I want it so badly I get frustrated that I’m not yet there, but on the other, dammit I’m terrified. I’ve only been there a couple of times in the last decade and in a much worse place mentally at those times so it’s fair to say my associations are less than positive.
This time round- the LAST time round things couldn’t be more different. I have Ben in my life. A job I adore. Brilliantly supportive family and friends and I’m happy. Happier than I’ve ever been, living the life of a normal 26 year old and no longer letting a fear of food rule me. I love food. I love life.
I know I can do this. I need to shake these blues.
Onwards and upwards from here on out.
Thank you for reading my ramblings.
It feels good to have written them down.
Happy Friday
xxx