I wasn’t going to post anything for mental health awareness week this year, not because I don’t have anything to say on the matter; nor do I think it’s unimportant to share stories and help break stigma- I just wasn’t sure where to begin.

My battle with my mental health goes as far back as I can remember. Elements of anxiety at a very young age, clinical depression, not to mention the 16 year battle with an eating disorder.
I think perhaps my hesitation in posting this year is because I have been so open on my blog in the past, and to an extent now it feels like my mental health takes up a very small proportion of my life; and that, in turn is what inspired this post. A chance to reflect on just how much things have changed, and how I’m looking forward (in every sense of the phrase) in ways that I never have before.

Body image is by far the biggest problem I am facing at the moment. I’m at that awkward “almost” stage in eating disorder recovery- I’ve got out of a critical stage with my weight, I’m functioning fine and feeling better than ever, but there’s still a way to go. Apparently I need another 3-4kg of “health” to be in tip-top condition and that’s proving to be a bitter pill to swallow. I haven’t been this close to a healthy weight in 4 years, my body is an alien to me, one I do not recognise and have no learnt to love yet. Knowing I still need to add to it is hard. My biggest fear is of being judged by others- family, friends, colleagues, blog readers…I can see them all sat there thinking “but why would she try and put on more weight? She already looks so…well (I’m trying so hard not to use the word large here but it is the first that springs to mind).
Finding the guts to have these taken and then post them was no mean feat, but well, hopefully my fears are unfounded and it’s only me who finds them in part, repelling.

How am I getting over this massive hurdle? By reminding myself of my bigger goals- to pass my driving test, to find somewhere to live with Bob, to one day have children (I am 31 and time won’t be on my side forever) and generally just to have fun and adventures.
Already the differences are notable. There’s a stark contrast between what Bob and I are able to do this year vs. how it was last summer. Constant reminders that the battle is worth it and if I can just stick it out, get those kilos on and learn to love my body for what it is and what it can do life really good be amazing.

There are still niggles in the back of my mind. The self-doubt that kicks in and provides a quiet but constant voice telling me I’m not good enough; a failure; that no-one really likes me and that I don’t deserve good things. I’m better at ignoring it these days and not letting it hold me back, especially in the work place, where thanks to the support of an amazing employer and a great bunch of colleagues I am flourishing.

I feel that much better now that I am once again looking at resuming driving lessons with a view to taking my test this summer- this is by far my biggest fear as previous tests have been a disaster due to overwhelming anxiety but I definitely feel I have a bigger “tool-kit” of coping mechanisms to get me through.

If you’ve done any mental health awareness posts I’d love to see them- leave links in the comments.

No matter how hard you try to avoid it, it’s almost inevitable that at some point in January you will find yourself feeling a little blue. For me the first couple of weeks were great, then illness hit and despite us being well past the middle of the month payday is STILL over a week away…try as I might I just can’t help but feel a little bit down in the dumps.

I’m much better at pulling myself out of these moments of self pity and wallowing these days though- following a few simple self care steps like early nights, decent nutrition, plenty of time outside when the weather allows and, on a more superficial note wearing bright makeup wherever possible…there’s nothing like a slick of red lipstick or a rosy pink glow on one’s cheeks to blast those blues away.

Lucky for me my friends at Essence were waiting in the wings with a helping hand- they kindly sent me a selection of products to help banish those January blues.

The parcel included three nail polishes which I’ve swatched on my trusty nail wheel- I’m no longer sporting a shellac manicure but my nails are in no fit state to be seen! I’ve always been a massive fan of Essence nail products especially the gel range which costs just £1.60 per colour! This midnight blue is a stunning shade and makes a real statement! I’ve only recently reviewed the holographic and out of space polishes so I won’t go in to detail but most days have seen my sporting some sparkle on my now short and sad looking nails.

And finally we have the lipstick. A long-lasting stand out red shade that boasts incredible brightness and longevity without drying out my lips. It took me years to feel brave enough to rock red lipstick but it’s now my go to colour when I’m in need of a confidence boost.

So if you too are struggling to beat those winter woes and fancy a little pick me up by way of cosmetics and, like me are impatiently awaiting payday then head on down to your local Wilko store or buy online for a boost that really won’t break the bank.

How are you beating the January blues? Leave your best tips in the comments.

It was with complete delight that we discovered a box packed full of sugary goodness from Tangerine Confectionery who had put together a selection of their products ideal for the festive season as well as a few games and the ultimate festive film- Home Alone. We wasted no time at all in getting stuck in.

Also within the box was a selection of stocking filler ideas such as the Vimto jellybeans and bonbons set (my favourite), a box containing princes marshmallows and chocolate covered marshmallows and another containing wham bars and cosmic sour sweets. I really liked these little boxes of fun which I’ve seen for sale in Wilko for a very reasonable £2.00.

I’m not a fan of fruit flavoured chocolate very much so the Raspberry ruffles didn’t appeal to me, but the mint ones are confirmed delicious. These are a proper blast from my past and would be good as part of a hamper gift of for offering around to guests.