The photos in this post were taken so long ago, I don’t even remember when; probably sometime between my birthday and when we went on holiday, but I can’t be sure.
So much has changed since then, it’s crazy. I feel like I’ve reached yet another turning point, and whilst it isn’t all plain sailing, I’m loving it.
Life:
Life has been so chaotic since we got back from America. First there was the jet-lag (which was far worse than I could ever have predicted). Then we had busy weekends with family and friends, celebrating our engagement and attending a truly fabulous wedding.
We’ve had a couple of more relaxed weekends recently, and I had a week off work which I used to re-charge, and I’m starting to learn it’s ok to rest as much as it is ok to be frantically busy all of the time. It’s ok to feel like you have no time to do anything, to fall behind on the housework and then be so exhausted all you can do is vegetate. I’ve learnt to accept that things can’t be perfect all of the time, and most importantly I am learning to deal with the anxiety that provokes.
Home life is fantastic, our little rented house feels like a proper home at last, and Pablo, Bob and I make a great little unit.
Pablo continues to keep us on our toes, his most recent escapade being falling out of our bedroom window. Thankfully he suffered little more than a busted too which required a minor op, but he is the poster child for why pet insurance is crucial!
Wedding:
Somehow we’ve been engaged for 10 weeks! I’m still in a slight state of disbelief- I never thought I’d find the person I truly can’t imagine my life without, but here I am, ring on my finger and totally clueless as to where to start!
We’ve been asked loads when the wedding will be- a couple of years yet! We’re looking at Autumn 2021 to give us time to save and plan. I might sound stupid here, but I had no idea just how expensive weddings were! I knew they were costly but it seems everything is mega money and we really don’t want to get in to debt for our big day.
We have a couple of venue ideas in mind, but that’s about it as far as plans go. Of course I’ve looked online at dresses and shoes and all of the super girly bits- egged on by one very excited mother of the bride! Bob and I have put together a rough guest list and over the coming weeks hopefully we’ll get a bit more of a solid plan in to place so we know just how much of our hard earned cash we need to stash away.
I’ll gladly welcome any and all wedding planning tips, I truly find the whole thing baffling!
Mental Health & Recovery:
It wouldn’t be a sit down and ramble about life post without touching on my mental health and recovery.
In short, things are great. I can’t remember a time in my adult life when I have every been happier, things have steadily been getting better since meeting Bob two and a half years ago, but recently things seem to have fallen in to place a little bit more.
Anorexia wise I am probably the most “normal” I have ever been since first becoming unwell at the age of 15. It’s been a 17 year uphill battle but finally I have hope that I can beat this for good.
Recently I’ve been enjoying the things that many people will take for granted- eating lunch and snacks with colleagues rather than going to sit out in the rain, or going without because I couldn’t stand others seeing me eat. I have enjoyed fancy meals at lovely restaurants, and surprised Bob by suggesting meals or snacks that have previously been off the cards. When we first met there were about three dinners we rotated between…now we do have our regular favourites, but we have variety and normality in the cooking process; using oil, letting someone cook for me and serve up for me. Flexibility and freedom.
There is still a way to go, kinks to iron out, challenges to embrace and that ever present last little bit of weight restoration (for long-term health and potential baby carrying). I still get stressed by food at times, cry over things that may seem trivial, but I am well and truly winning, helped along the way by some fantastic books around intuitive eating (please say if you’d like more on this as I could write a post).
In terms of general mental health things are looking good too. I had a bad week last week where my mood took a random dip and anxiety ruled, but I’ve bounced back and recovered. I’m working on reducing medications, find I can do more and more that previously would have been impossible- two lots of drinks with colleagues/friends in a week? No problem! Speaking my mind in a difficult situation? Why not!
I don’t know what prompted this post, but it’s been therapeutic to write it. I’ve been in a bit of a blogging slump lately but I’m starting to break free of it and hopefully can make this a place I am proud to call my own again.
High fives and a chocolate finger to anyone who made it this far! Until next time…
